Science: Master of Modern Man (Written by a Daily Show Writer)
Funny, short, readable for kids (if they can understand satire and sarcasm) and thought provoking!
Science: Master of modern man
California was on the verge of passing Proposition 7, repealing the laws of gravity.
An otherwise uninteresting animal skeleton is proclaimed as evolution’s missing link; an almost ludicrously unambitious change is made to American gas mileage standards in the name of global warming; and astronauts continue going into space to fiddle with that stupid giant telescope. To the trained eye, these seemingly unrelated stories point to one inescapable conclusion: Science is back. Just when we thought we’d cast off science’s oppressive yoke, that devious system of inhuman rules has returned to imprison us once more.
Humanity’s conflict with this ancient enemy dates to the moment Prometheus first brought us fire from the heavens, and a few bespectacled eggheads decided Prometheus was actually just lightning or improperly stored oily rags. Since then, we’ve constantly fought science for dominance, futilely inventing religion after religion to trick it into going away. Unfortunately, in 1945 science gained the upper-hand by creating the atomic bomb, a far deadlier weapon than what humanity had come up with: dragons. Since then, science has forced us to do its bidding, “rewarding” us by cruelly eliminating angels, unicorns and martians.
The past eight years seemed to herald a bold new era in human thought, one where people were finally allowed to choose what they thought was correct. (Were we descended from apes or created by God? Who cares? Take your pick.) This was the culmination of the American dream: freedom from the tyranny of information. No one could say you were wrong, because “wrong” no longer existed.
Apparently, however, we were wrong, for the science genie has proven impossible to put back in its bottle. In fact, we’d be better off if science were a genie, because genies magically grant wishes, while science only tells you the things you’ll never be able to do, like travel faster than light or be truly happy. The best we can hope for is that someone, someday, has the courage to confront science face to face and say, “Enough!” Until then, we are doomed to slavery at the whim of our sadistic master, that horrible gloating dream-crusher known as science.
Elliott Kalan is a writer for “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.”
From: http://www.metro.us/us/article/2009/05/29/02/1019-82/index.xml
Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages. Opposing viewpoints are welcome. Please send 400-word submissions to letters@metro.us
Science: Master of modern man
California was on the verge of passing Proposition 7, repealing the laws of gravity.
An otherwise uninteresting animal skeleton is proclaimed as evolution’s missing link; an almost ludicrously unambitious change is made to American gas mileage standards in the name of global warming; and astronauts continue going into space to fiddle with that stupid giant telescope. To the trained eye, these seemingly unrelated stories point to one inescapable conclusion: Science is back. Just when we thought we’d cast off science’s oppressive yoke, that devious system of inhuman rules has returned to imprison us once more.
Humanity’s conflict with this ancient enemy dates to the moment Prometheus first brought us fire from the heavens, and a few bespectacled eggheads decided Prometheus was actually just lightning or improperly stored oily rags. Since then, we’ve constantly fought science for dominance, futilely inventing religion after religion to trick it into going away. Unfortunately, in 1945 science gained the upper-hand by creating the atomic bomb, a far deadlier weapon than what humanity had come up with: dragons. Since then, science has forced us to do its bidding, “rewarding” us by cruelly eliminating angels, unicorns and martians.
The past eight years seemed to herald a bold new era in human thought, one where people were finally allowed to choose what they thought was correct. (Were we descended from apes or created by God? Who cares? Take your pick.) This was the culmination of the American dream: freedom from the tyranny of information. No one could say you were wrong, because “wrong” no longer existed.
Apparently, however, we were wrong, for the science genie has proven impossible to put back in its bottle. In fact, we’d be better off if science were a genie, because genies magically grant wishes, while science only tells you the things you’ll never be able to do, like travel faster than light or be truly happy. The best we can hope for is that someone, someday, has the courage to confront science face to face and say, “Enough!” Until then, we are doomed to slavery at the whim of our sadistic master, that horrible gloating dream-crusher known as science.
Elliott Kalan is a writer for “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.”
From: http://www.metro.us/us/article/2009/05/29/02/1019-82/index.xml
Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages. Opposing viewpoints are welcome. Please send 400-word submissions to letters@metro.us
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